My Christmas Eve

This is how my Christmas eve was..

My plan:

- Celebrate it with my niece and her fiance and few friends at 1900

- Go to church at 2200

- Go to church's Christmas Party at 2400

What happened:

Okay, Knowing that I had a tight schedule today so I realized that I have to move fast. Moreover, I always know that churches are always crowded in Christmas eve so I had this excellent idea - riding a motorcycle instead of driving a car. At least, it would save me from the difficulties of finding a vacant parking lot and going through the traffic. I had the feeling that everything would go exactly as on my schedule untill some hindering things rose.

When I was about to leave my house for going to aMORe to attend a little christmas party held by my niece and her fiance, dad told me to go to the florist, which is on the opposite direction of the party place, to buy a mourning bouquette for my uncle's business colleague. It was still fine by me as I was early or at least I knew that I wouldn't be that late. The traffic was heavy so I fell really good for choosing motorbike instead of a car. I arrived there at 1900 and got all things done at 1910. Then, I went hastily to the party spot.

The first scene I saw was a real surprise. I saw an empty yard that was supposed to be the parking lot which means that noone had arrived there. It was 1930. I decided to go in and claimed the booked table. I was still full in all positive thinking that they're trapped in the heavy traffic. They'd be there soon. Not having finished that thought, Andrew and Yuni arrived. Well, hey, someone had arrived so the others should be there soon too. Unfotunately, they didn't. It took them a whole hour from the appointment time!

My ex was there too. Well, I didn't it as a big problem as she is a member of my cousin's social circle. It became one when she was like all clingy to me. It did bother me a lot. Frankly, I feel very guilty to K who had been tried to avoid making me jealous by taking bus to her workplace despite her going in ferdi's car which is way more comfortable and faster than a bus while there was a girl who always push her way to sit next to me all the time we're on the same room. However, I can't complain as there were so many friends there who was having fun. I don't think that having a quarell about her behavior would be a wise move so I let her be. I'm sorry sweetheart. I promise it won't happen again.

We're playing UNO with punishments. The loser had to wear a reindeer's-prong-shaped headband, heart-framed eyeglasses, and a nasty shawl and I did lost. It was 2130 and I didn't think I'd make it for the church. Luckily, the party was over at 2200. I rushed to the church and arrived there at 2220. As expected, the church was totally crowded. Again, I felt lucky for my choice. The Christmas mass was over at 2400 and there was an announcement that the christmas party would be held at church's hall.

The party was ordinary - talent show, doorprize drawing, and feast. The talent shows were crappy, my cellphone was out of battery, I didn't get any of the prize, and I was missing K so much but somehow I enjoyed it - a lot. The party was over at 0330.

I had so much fun but I still have my christmas dream. Celebrating it with my family and then attending Christmas mass with someone I really love are things that have not happened yet in my life. I guess I can give the family thing up as I realize it's almost impossible to happen but I hope I could end my 12 years of attending Christmas mass in loneliness. It's fun and heartwarming to see couples and family attending the mass together but, at the same time, it always makes me jealous too..

What has recently happened to me

I have puked three times today and I hate doing it after eating. It's getting worse, I suppose. For the first times, it happened after I had eaten too much. Gradually, it happened after I had eaten my normal ration. 

Recently, it happens everytime after I ate. Many attempts to prevent it to happen have been done but none of them helps. It just happens automatically like my body hates any caloric intake coming through my mouth. I guess it starts to hate anything that goes into it. I don't know how long it's going to happen but I guess there's nothing I can really do.

I vomit everywhere, everytime after eating. I hate it when I have to sneak to the toilet and make false excuses afterward. However, I guess it's better than vomitting in public.

A little kid

Lately, I feel like an abandoned kid who always waits for her mom going home from work hoping that she could spend a little time for him. When she's home, she starts doing the house core while that kid keeps talking hoping her mom would listen. She's too busy so she just replies him with short unmeaningful answers. After finishing her daily cores, she watches television. "I need to be entertained", she argued. It's true. However, this kid still keeps trying to get her attention. He knows that he won't get much but he keeps trying. He keeps waiting and waiting while his mom is going out with her friends. He keeps trying to ask how's her day while his mom is meddling with the house core. He keeps hoping that he will get a nice heart-to-heart conversation while she has her spare time instead of her watching TV. He knows that she is very busy so that she can't afford even a little time to message him in the day. He knows that she needs to do all that stuffs so that she can't play with him in the afternoon. He knows that she needs to have some entertainments so that she can't talk to him at night. He knows that she never realizes it but he just wants to be with her scraping crumbs of her attention untill she goes to sleep. He keeps hoping that someday when her busy days are over she can be his all day and start giving him proper attention he always wants.

Disappointment

Last two days were very difficult to me. Well, they had started just fine before she acted weird and started ignoring me. In the end, I had it that ferdi was there. What makes me very disappointed is that she told me lies about to cover it up. First of all, she didn't let me know about him being there. However, it didn't make a big fuss although it did bother me much. She told me that it's  a long story. Realizing she needed some sleep, I told her to go to sleep and I waited for morning to come. Yet, she wasn't there this morning. Tonight, I had to make her explain it while it was her who promised me to explain the matter. In the end, she gave me another silly reasoning and tried to make me go for it. *sigh* Had I known about it would be this way, I should've been expecting for getting a better explanation too much - very disappointing.

Internship

K got her internship announcement today. I should've been happy but it seems that I can't. It's because that she didn't tell me about that and it was like I accidentally knew it as she answered my question about what did she do. She answered that she was talking about internship with her new friend, Roni. A complete stranger was told about something that important and I had to scrape it out. I'm sad. I really am.