My Christmas Eve

This is how my Christmas eve was..

My plan:

- Celebrate it with my niece and her fiance and few friends at 1900

- Go to church at 2200

- Go to church's Christmas Party at 2400

What happened:

Okay, Knowing that I had a tight schedule today so I realized that I have to move fast. Moreover, I always know that churches are always crowded in Christmas eve so I had this excellent idea - riding a motorcycle instead of driving a car. At least, it would save me from the difficulties of finding a vacant parking lot and going through the traffic. I had the feeling that everything would go exactly as on my schedule untill some hindering things rose.

When I was about to leave my house for going to aMORe to attend a little christmas party held by my niece and her fiance, dad told me to go to the florist, which is on the opposite direction of the party place, to buy a mourning bouquette for my uncle's business colleague. It was still fine by me as I was early or at least I knew that I wouldn't be that late. The traffic was heavy so I fell really good for choosing motorbike instead of a car. I arrived there at 1900 and got all things done at 1910. Then, I went hastily to the party spot.

The first scene I saw was a real surprise. I saw an empty yard that was supposed to be the parking lot which means that noone had arrived there. It was 1930. I decided to go in and claimed the booked table. I was still full in all positive thinking that they're trapped in the heavy traffic. They'd be there soon. Not having finished that thought, Andrew and Yuni arrived. Well, hey, someone had arrived so the others should be there soon too. Unfotunately, they didn't. It took them a whole hour from the appointment time!

My ex was there too. Well, I didn't it as a big problem as she is a member of my cousin's social circle. It became one when she was like all clingy to me. It did bother me a lot. Frankly, I feel very guilty to K who had been tried to avoid making me jealous by taking bus to her workplace despite her going in ferdi's car which is way more comfortable and faster than a bus while there was a girl who always push her way to sit next to me all the time we're on the same room. However, I can't complain as there were so many friends there who was having fun. I don't think that having a quarell about her behavior would be a wise move so I let her be. I'm sorry sweetheart. I promise it won't happen again.

We're playing UNO with punishments. The loser had to wear a reindeer's-prong-shaped headband, heart-framed eyeglasses, and a nasty shawl and I did lost. It was 2130 and I didn't think I'd make it for the church. Luckily, the party was over at 2200. I rushed to the church and arrived there at 2220. As expected, the church was totally crowded. Again, I felt lucky for my choice. The Christmas mass was over at 2400 and there was an announcement that the christmas party would be held at church's hall.

The party was ordinary - talent show, doorprize drawing, and feast. The talent shows were crappy, my cellphone was out of battery, I didn't get any of the prize, and I was missing K so much but somehow I enjoyed it - a lot. The party was over at 0330.

I had so much fun but I still have my christmas dream. Celebrating it with my family and then attending Christmas mass with someone I really love are things that have not happened yet in my life. I guess I can give the family thing up as I realize it's almost impossible to happen but I hope I could end my 12 years of attending Christmas mass in loneliness. It's fun and heartwarming to see couples and family attending the mass together but, at the same time, it always makes me jealous too..

What has recently happened to me

I have puked three times today and I hate doing it after eating. It's getting worse, I suppose. For the first times, it happened after I had eaten too much. Gradually, it happened after I had eaten my normal ration. 

Recently, it happens everytime after I ate. Many attempts to prevent it to happen have been done but none of them helps. It just happens automatically like my body hates any caloric intake coming through my mouth. I guess it starts to hate anything that goes into it. I don't know how long it's going to happen but I guess there's nothing I can really do.

I vomit everywhere, everytime after eating. I hate it when I have to sneak to the toilet and make false excuses afterward. However, I guess it's better than vomitting in public.

A little kid

Lately, I feel like an abandoned kid who always waits for her mom going home from work hoping that she could spend a little time for him. When she's home, she starts doing the house core while that kid keeps talking hoping her mom would listen. She's too busy so she just replies him with short unmeaningful answers. After finishing her daily cores, she watches television. "I need to be entertained", she argued. It's true. However, this kid still keeps trying to get her attention. He knows that he won't get much but he keeps trying. He keeps waiting and waiting while his mom is going out with her friends. He keeps trying to ask how's her day while his mom is meddling with the house core. He keeps hoping that he will get a nice heart-to-heart conversation while she has her spare time instead of her watching TV. He knows that she is very busy so that she can't afford even a little time to message him in the day. He knows that she needs to do all that stuffs so that she can't play with him in the afternoon. He knows that she needs to have some entertainments so that she can't talk to him at night. He knows that she never realizes it but he just wants to be with her scraping crumbs of her attention untill she goes to sleep. He keeps hoping that someday when her busy days are over she can be his all day and start giving him proper attention he always wants.

Disappointment

Last two days were very difficult to me. Well, they had started just fine before she acted weird and started ignoring me. In the end, I had it that ferdi was there. What makes me very disappointed is that she told me lies about to cover it up. First of all, she didn't let me know about him being there. However, it didn't make a big fuss although it did bother me much. She told me that it's  a long story. Realizing she needed some sleep, I told her to go to sleep and I waited for morning to come. Yet, she wasn't there this morning. Tonight, I had to make her explain it while it was her who promised me to explain the matter. In the end, she gave me another silly reasoning and tried to make me go for it. *sigh* Had I known about it would be this way, I should've been expecting for getting a better explanation too much - very disappointing.

Internship

K got her internship announcement today. I should've been happy but it seems that I can't. It's because that she didn't tell me about that and it was like I accidentally knew it as she answered my question about what did she do. She answered that she was talking about internship with her new friend, Roni. A complete stranger was told about something that important and I had to scrape it out. I'm sad. I really am.

Alice Cullen

I have just got home and K is right: Twilight sucks!! However, Alice Cullen is soo adorable. She reminds me to Rachael Leigh Cook.

Life is quite frustrating today. I went to one shopping center to another for different purposes alone. As it was the famous Saturday night, people were flowing into the malls and plazas. That is the exact reason of why I hate going out on weekends. Streets are overflowed by cars and finding a parking spot is as hard as milking blood from a stone. It really drove me insane.

K is celebrating her roommate's birthday right now. She's having so much fun. I missed her though.

She's home and I am so glad

Bad things do happen

I experienced two bad things today; and they are all nasty.

First of all, swimming accident. My friends called me to go to swim with them and I said okay. Everything seemed to be fun until we found out that the swimming pool was closed that day as it was booked for someone's birthday party. Then, we decided to go to another swimming pool nearby. It was nice, cozy, and even having turkeys running around on their yard! So we went in and found that it was a full pool. We're fine with that and went on swimming. We swam for about 90 minutes and even had a water basketball game.

Getting tired of physical activity, we're going to the poolside and relaxing while floating in the water. Suddenly, I noticed something horrible. I saw bugs - tiny ones - biting our skins. I showed them to my friends and hurriedly swam to the other side. We got off the pool and rushed to shower. However, the showers weren't playing a good thing today. They were going like a water dispenser. I definitely won't go back to that place again.

Second, K told me that she needed to go to Ferdy's place. I never like that idea though as she had once told me that she might develop some special feelings to him. She was like all saying she does have a special feeling to him. However she agreed when I asked if she's doing that on purpose. I don't know if she's being sarcastic or not. I hope she's not. Then, after we cooled down, she told me that she couldn't trust me somehow. OMG! It feels hurt when you aren't trusted when you're saying and doing honest things. Anyway, she insisted to go to hi place to fetch her wine just a moment go eventhough I have forbidden him not to as it's almost 1 AM. I really don't know what to do nor what to say.

Boundin

I have just watched a cartoon published by PIXAR studio - entitled "Boundin". It tells about a sheep who is so proud about his wool untill a human shaved its off. Then, comes a kangaroo (?). Cheers him up with great words.

"Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down. When you find it you're down, well just look around. You still have a body, good legs and fine feet. You have your head in the right place and hey you're complete"

And when I was just about to try to look around, I found myself back in a good term with K. We've been talking for three hours now on sucky internet connection. I hate my connection when it comes to rainy season. But, hey, she's back. ^^

It seems I'm the one who had had all the bad thoughts on her. I should apologize. There's nothing better in store for me anyway. She's simply the best.

PS: Today I ate alot. Whatever. I'm so happy!!!

Cousin

I have a little cousin who lives in my house daily as his parents are quite busy everyday. He's a cute 5 years old boy. Lately, he's been suffering from a bad cold. Coughing and sneezing are his dailyroutine but I wonder if toddlers are having what-so-called reserved energy as he is still being so lively while he's having a bad cold. What made him so adorable today is that when he tried to sleep, he reached for my hands, grapped it, held it, and fell asleep on it. That's so lovely! ^^

Now, let's switch to the other thing. I asked K to call me as soon as she woke up this morning and she did. Well, I managed to tell her what I thought and what I felt. She understood it and we made up again. However, I don't feel like she has fully forgiven me yet as all day she just sent me two messages and didn't show up in MSN nor Yahoo!. She didn't tell me if she had arrived home. Another message was sent when I asked where she was and I did let her know that I was waiting for her. She said she was sorry for troubling me but, somehow, I sensed it as sarcastic. At least, things have gone in a better way - I think..

What if

I talked to her last night and explained things to her. It's more into pushing-my-ideals-to-her than compromising things. What if things are not like what I thought? What if it is me who is being too selfish? I think I should've understood her better..

Rain

I have just arrived home and it's raining heavily outside. Phewww, I think it's more of a storm rather than a heavy rain. It made me hit a car in front of me while queueing a crossroad as I hardly saw a thing.

It was a long queue for a crossroad in the middle of a very, very, very heavy rain. Well, I had tried to be as careful as I could. When I saw it's moving, I slowly stepped on my gas pedal *bum* I hit something. Apparently, it was a black Suzuki Swift in front of me. The driver went off his car to see his bumper I hit. Checking it for a while under the heavy rain, he only waved his hand at me telling me it's okay. I really don't know whether it's really okay or he just couldn't see the damage I caused but he already went by. I did notice I made it scratched. However, since he said it's okay, I guess it's okay.

Rain also ruined my diet *ahem* again. I ate a bowlful of Makassar style noodle. It contains of noodle topped with roasted pork, boiled chicken, chips, and separated soup. The huge portion made me stuffed up as I almost puked. Another day of ruined diet.

K hasn't messaged nor called me yet. Let's see if she'll be on her MSN or Yahoo. This is quite a song that is very suitable to express my feeling right now.

"Chasing Pavements"

Performed by: Adele

Songwriters: Adkins, Adele; White, Francis Eg;

I've made up my mind,

Don't need to think it over,

If I'm wrong I am right,

Don't need to look no further,

This ain't lust, I know

This is love but,

If I tell the world,

I'll never say enough,

Cause it was not said to you,

And thats exactly what I need to do,

If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be a waste?

Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?

Should I give up,

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,

And fly around in circles,

Wait then as my heart drops,

and my back begins to tingle

finally could this be it or

Should I give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be a waste?

Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?

Should I give up,

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere

Should I give up,

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be a waste?

Even If i knew my place should I leave it there?

Should I give up,

Or should I just...keep on.. chasing.. pavements?

should I just...keep on.. chasing.. pavements?

Should I give up,

Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere,

Or would it be a waste?

Even If i knew my place should I leave it there?

Should I give up,

Or should i just keep chasing pavements?

Even if it leads nowhere.

Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

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Rice!!!

Last night, after writing my last post, I was having such an awkward situation with her. My temper was easily lost - a situation that unlikely to happen in my normal day.

It started fine she told me her stories and so on. Then, when I asked a question, a-general-question-related-to-her-story-such-as-what-happened-to-him, as she was telling me that Ferdy was talking about his problem to her, she called me not to stick my nose in their business. Well, hey, what I were supposed to ask? I was just trying to be nice and she took it wrong.

I was being all sulky that night. She said she was sorry but I didn't see anything done to make it up. When I tried to, she was like taking a whole 5 minutes to reply a simple question. After a while, she said that she's confused. "What are you confused of"" I asked. I waited and waited but there's no reply. That's when I lost my temper. I logged off. Guess what? She didn't even message nor call me afterward.

I wonder if it's my diet causing me to lose my temper easily?

Speaking of which, I broke my diet last night by eating fried duck with RICE. What made it even worse is that I ate two plateful of them! Holycrap, it means I have to start my ketosis diet all over again and I have started it with an avocado added with SWEETENED milk. OMG how can I lose weight if I keep eating sugar and carbs?

Her

I know this is too fast for another post but I guess you have to allow me as I have something flashing in my mind to be written here. What's the important thing? Well, hey, it's 3:47 AM in the morning! What else to do but pouring some thoughts in this post. Now, I'm going to write about her.

Lately, I have been driven crazy by a girl whom later on will be referred as "K". We knew each other through a friend. Humm, actually, she was his crush. I am still feeling guilty about it yet it can't be helped either. My friend was very mad at me for some times but, somehow, this issue has been resolved.

This may sound crazy. We have only talked online, on phone, on short messages as she is studying fashion abroad but I feel that she has something special. She knows exactly how to make me feel alright, smile, and cheer up when I'm feeling blue. She's a total sweetheart - caring but not too demanding. Perhaps, I will most likely write about us here.

Intorduction *sighs* Introduction

Hey this would be my first post. Eeerrr, kinda lost here as I have never done any of this so-called blogging. So, what to write? Honestly, I don't know. I guess that's all for now. I'll write more later.